Learn from my mistakes.
- Trust your instinct to stay home when you wake up with an exceptionally bad headache and nausea.
- Do not, instead, drive the 20 miles to work like a chump.
- Be at least grateful that you get to the office at 7 when very few people are there.
- Do not work in an office that makes you go through a minimum of 4 god damn doors to get to the bathroom.
- Do not throw up at work.
- Do not do something that ultimately places you in rush hour traffic to drive home because you are violently ill. See #1.
- Wish for death to come and take you…and your car too since you don’t want to make rush hour any worse than it already is.
- Do not throw up three times while driving.
- Be grateful it was stop and go traffic if only because this means you are not throwing up while operating a car going 65mph.
- Resent the stop and go traffic because it means the drive home took over an hour.
- Make sure you have some of those grocery store tote bags in your car. And some napkins from various restaurants. (FYI: Four bags were available. Three were used.)
- Do not, repeat, do not throw up three times while driving.
- Walk the three used tote bags to the dumpster as soon as you get home.
- Be grateful you asked a friend to drop off a care package with the requisite ginger ale and crackers while you were sitting in traffic.
- Do not ever let this happen again.
Comments (14)
Well, der….
Did you pull over to puke into the bags, or manage that while driving? ‘Cause if you managed to throw up into a flimsy plastic bag while driving in NoVa traffic…that’s your superpower, is all I’m sayin’.
That’s my superpower.
It wasn’t flimsy plastic bags though. I used the recycled “I used to be a plastic bottle.” fancypants bags from Whole Foods. That part was unexpectedly satisfying.
Oh, dude.
HAHAHAHA! You’ve been waiting for a chance to defile those pompous bags.
I can just see it. You pick up a bag emblazoned with the legend I used to be a plastic bottle. Smirking, you announce, “Oh, yeah? Well, this used to be breakfast! BLORRRRRRCH.”
Dear lord. And I thought I was having a bad day.
Imagine how the bag feels
Oh, like I care how the bags feel.
That is a sad, sad tale, my friend. May the rest of your week be better.
Clearly the best adjective to describe my Tuesday is sexy.
Today has just been feverish and vaguely miserable.
Poor baby! So sucks.
At least it was vomit. The other option is too horrible to contemplate. Not to mention impossible to do in a smug tote bag while driving.
No kidding. I really would’ve had to set my car on fire if it had happened that way.
Haha, Elsa! This used to be breakfast!