T-Rex and the Hedgehogs

I didn’t make these because I have neither the talent nor the patience (although I do have the vocabulary). They were made for me in exchange for a copy of Twitter Wit. Clearly, I got the better end of the bargain.

Click on the photo for more details.

Appropriate

I like cute and clever Halloween decorations. I do not like giant spiders and straight-up gore. But I also hate cloyingly precious decorations, so I am predictably difficult to please.

I like this ghost/flamingo trio a lot though.

Learn from my mistakes.

1. Trust your instinct to stay home when you wake up with an exceptionally bad headache and nausea.
2. Do not, instead, drive the 20 miles to work like a chump.
3. Be at least grateful that you get to the office at 7 when very few people are there.
4. Do not work in an office that makes you go through a minimum of 4 god damn doors to get to the bathroom.
5. Do not throw up at work.
6. Do not do something that ultimately places you in rush hour traffic to drive home because you are violently ill. See #1.
7. Wish for death to come and take you…and your car too since you don’t want to make rush hour any worse than it already is.
8. Do not throw up three times while driving.
9. Be grateful it was stop and go traffic if only because this means you are not throwing up while operating a car going 65mph.
10. Resent the stop and go traffic because it means the drive home took over an hour.
11. Make sure you have some of those grocery store tote bags in your car. And some napkins from various restaurants. (FYI: Four bags were available. Three were used.)
12. Do not, repeat, do not throw up three times while driving.
13. Walk the three used tote bags to the dumpster as soon as you get home.
14. Be grateful you asked a friend to drop off a care package with the requisite ginger ale and crackers while you were sitting in traffic.
15. Do not ever let this happen again.

What Gourd Is This?

There’s going to be something referred to as “Pumpkin Caroling” at work on Friday. My immediate thought is that some well-meaning headcases will gather together and perkily sing modified Christmas carols to a pyramid of pumpkins, but who knows.

I’m torn. I want to see this; I want to run away in fear.

I mean, is this a thing? Has it been going on for years and I’m just now hearing about it?

Maybe they’ll all have pumpkins on their heads while they sing. That might be interesting.

This reminds me of one of the most excruciating workplace experiences I’ve ever had, and since it has crept back into my consciousness, you get to experience it too. In a former job, a coworker was about to become a father, so our manager, a terrible, horrible, and painfully awkward woman, took it upon herself to rewrite some song–I don’t remember which one–that she thought we would all sing at the (classic) conference room baby shower.

Terrible.

Nobody liked him much, and everybody hated her. What she imagined would be some adorable Hallmark moment was instead a funereal nightmare that went on for what seemed like hours. People avoided eye contact while she led us the pitiful singing her raspy, tuneless warbling. I think a little piece of me died that day. I suspect another little piece of me will die on Friday. Stay tuned.

Cleared for landing

Hill…

Courtesy of Carla Rey.

Restaurant is a tricky word.

I only couple with left-handers.

Neutrino

You were rudely brought into existence by Wolfgang Pauli to keep conservation of energy working. The “Little Neutral Thing” as he jokingly named you, was finally discovered bathing in a giant tanker of dry-cleaning fluid, and joined the ranks of the sub-atomic family. Despite your major contributions to the Standard Model of Particle Physics, you’ve always felt you didn’t get the respect you deserved, and so have nursed a grudge for almost fifty years. Rather standoffish, no one knows your real nature. This isn’t helped by your Multiple Personality Disorder, which causes you to oscillate between generations of your self-constructed family. You only couple with left-handers.

You’re pretty messed up, I have to say.

Full results:
Neutrino — 57%
Muon — 28%
Higgs — 14%

Which Subatomic Particle Are You?

So’s Your Mom

FEAR ME, FOR I AM NOG.

I am the first choice in some circles for delivering proxy beatdowns on vexatious people.

C: I am going to drive to northern VA and choke [redacted]. BRB.
T: Dude. Surely there’s someone there who can do it for you.
T: Ask Jane.
C: JANE!
T: Hahahahahaha!
C: She can put on her stealth ninja gear.
T: She’s our ninja on the ground in northern VA.
C: NOG.

You guys! I’m so proud right now.