Since I am now not even remotely Twitter famous, let me quote myself from there this weekend:
“Bruised and scraped the hell out of my knee yesterday scrambling to get away from a bear. Yeah, okay, I tripped over a rabbit. A RABBIT.”
I tripped over a rabbit Saturday afternoon, folks. I was out walking, minding my own business, when some sort of kerfuffle took place in the adjacent shrubbery and all manner of small and heretofore non-vicious animals spilled out in all directions including a cottontail rabbit that plowed right straight into my foot and brought me down to the ground on my left knee.
The rabbit is fine. Well, besides almost certainly needing counseling.
My knee is a scraped, bruised, and bloody mess, and the best part of this is that I was far enough from home to just say to hell with it and walk to Walgreens for some large knee-friendly bandages.
I suppose I should consider myself lucky that I only collided with a rabbit since A HAWK FLEW OUT OF SOMEONE’S BACK YARD ACROSS THE STREET FROM WALGREENS. Hello. A hawk. In Arlington. A half block from Crate & Barrel. I half expected to see a bear cruise up to Whole Foods with a couple of tote bags slung over its shoulder. What? I’m sure bears care deeply about the environment too.
The best part of this story is that everyone eventually concedes that I must be telling the truth because not even I could make this up. No, actually, I take that back. The best part is what some folks have said including “Was it carrying a pocket watch?” and “You’re the Jimmy Carter of our generation.”
At any rate, I’m thinking I might have to dress like this from now on when I go out.
Comments (13)
If onwy Elmer Fudd had hawf youw wuck.
Erik: Hahahahaha.
Don’t tell me no one has made a Monty Python joke yet. Come on, people. “He has big… sharp… pointy… teeth! Look at the bones!!”
Was it perhaps one of those unsightly knows hares?
And the bear then buys toilet paper made from 70% recycled post-consumer newsprint, unbleached. So he can…you know…in the woods.
Or, the rabbit was running so the bear wouldn’t use him.
Sounds like you wandered into a remake of 12 Monkeys.
If you didn’t go entirely down, I feel that’s a victory. To the knee is only half down. So suck it, Rabbit.
Does a bear compost in the woods?
Lauren: You are, unbelievably, the first.
Ogre: Hahahahaha. Unsightly apparently.
Trasherati: That joke never gets old.
carlarey: What’s that? Some sort of wildlife documentary?*
Madness: “So suck it, Rabbit.” is my new favorite thing ever.
*Kidding.
Here’s to the urban hawk! They’re not just hanging out on interstate signs anymore.
M: yeah, I am all for the urban hawk too. I just wasn’t expecting it right after The Rabbit Incident.
Thank you for using the word “kerfuffle.”
The Kerfuffle Revival Society
This will be remembered like the Scut Farkus Affair, and be told in song and story for generations. Stories like this one, of the triumph of the human spirit, make us proud. Battered but unbowed, you carried on to the Walgreens and completed your mission. A big thumbs up to you from the thumb-bearing population of the Earth.
It was probably an event like this on that inspired the author of Beowulf. And now as it grows and flourishes with each retelling, we will lift our voices and praise the courage and fortitude of a lone woman who, facing a hostile and savage world, did not only survive but prevail.
Awards have been bestowed on far less worthy individuals for far less noble deeds. You fought the unbeatable foe. You strove with your last ounce of courage. You walked into the shadows of your own fear and came out with Q-tips. You were hare-assed, but not embarrassed. You are the Hare Slayer.
“I know what you’re thinking, Rabbit. You’re wondering, does she have another knee or was that the last one. What you’ve got to ask yourself now is: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, Rabbit? …Do ya?”