Sometimes I make mistakes and like them

Feline intent, bored piles, apple-braining

The mini-Annals of Improbable Research (“mini-AIR“) is always a delight and I encourage you to read it if only for the article that generated this sentence:

“J.D. Salinger would never have written a short story called ‘A Perfect Day for Horseface Loach.’”

Sugarbaker Mad Libs

NPR brings the funny waste of time. Assemble your own Julia Sugarbaker rant with the following list of things:

• an appetizer
• a famous criminal
• an inexpensive retailer
• a small amount of money
• a metal
• a breakfast cereal
• an environmental problem
• a popular gadget
• a junk food
• a reality show
• a kind of candy
• a sporting event
• a historical figure named “John”
• a celebrity named “John”
• an article of clothing
• a home electronics component
• a chain restaurant
• a city in the southern U.S.
• a popular toy
• a literary figure

Here’s mine:

I would rather spend two hours sharing Chex Party Mix with Baby Face Nelson than watch a woman who apparently purchased her intellect at The Deb Shop for 45 cents chase twenty-five men with biceps made of lead and heads packed with Cocoa Puffs.

Because when future generations look upon what we have left for them, which may by then be little more than groundwater pollution and millions of non-biodegradable flash drives, I fear they will conclude that they would have welcomed bread and circuses if only they had realized the alternative was Andy Capp’s Hot Fries and Rock of Love.

[sits down and crosses arms, but then immediately stands back up]

And let me tell you a little something about romance: Handing out roses like you are a mascot throwing Malted Milk Balls to the assembled hooligans at a cage match is not my idea of romance. Romance is a man who knows the difference between John F. Kennedy and John Denver and who is capable of putting on socks without scratching his head as if he is connecting a wireless router without the instruction manual.

So do not ask yourself why I do not particularly enjoy a television show where the assembled male candidates represent romantic prospects inferior to the workers on the night shift at the P.F. Chang’s in Baton Rouge. Ask yourself whether, after a lifetime playing with a cultural Tickle Me Elmo and dancing on the grave of Samuel Pepys, you will ever…recover…your dignity.

Elsa’s is funnier.

Not sure I can claim any depth but I am definitely slow.

Extroversion has long been considered healthier than introversion, and introverts often try to push against our natural tendencies in order to fit in, to seem “normal” so people will stop scolding us. Extroverts are unintentional bullies, demanding that everyone join their party or be considered queer, sad or stunted.

Introversion and extroversion are inborn traits, and the difference between them is not that one is gregarious and at ease in the world and the other shy and awkward. Rather, extroverts are outwardly motivated and gain energy from interaction with the outside world while introverts are more inwardly directed and drained by interaction with others. Introverts’ thinking tends to be deep and slow, we require copious time alone, we prefer probing conversation to shallow chitchat, and our social lives are geared more towards intimate one-on-one interactions than “more the merrier” free-for-alls.

[via]

If the internet has accomplished nothing else

…it has at least enabled and encouraged our love of lists.

Fifteen Books

Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.

Here’s mine:

1. Kristin Lavransdatter
2. The Hitchhiker’s Guide
3. Cosmos
4. Mama Makes Up Her Mind
5. A Wrinkle in Time
6. Appalachia: A History
7. Grendel
8. Catch-22
9. Smilla’s Sense of Snow
10. The Mother Tongue: English & How It Got That Way
11. Annals of the Former World
12. Rendezvous with Rama
13. Dune
14. Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness
15. Tess of the d’Urbervilles

Different

Things should look a bit different around here now. If they do not look different, then one of us has a problem and by “one of us” I mean “you.”

Thimble

Things I would like to see, in no particular order

1. The end of this work day.
2. Iceland.
3. [Redacted]
4. [Also redacted]
5. Dick Cheney lose his shit in public, John Madden style. Just completely flip out. Maybe even try to bite someone.
6. Some butterflies. Where the hell are they? I’ve only seen about 4 if you don’t count the frillions of Cabbage Whites, which I don’t.
7. The Blue Ridge Mountains. It’s been too long.
8. Another Yogabeans! post. Elastigirl is busy though. I know.
9. Some more art by Alex.

Learning to fly

I startled this little guy when I walked outside Thursday morning. He was resting in the rosebush by the front door and when I opened said door, he took off with a burst of energy and fear for the tree out front. I had clearly interrupted a morning flying lesson. Two adult robins were nearby watching.

He sat on this branch for a few minutes gathering strength and the nerve, I suppose, to take off again, all the while hoping I wasn’t going to eat him as I insensitively stood there taking photos and just generally freaking him out.

Eventually he took off again and glided to the ground near the adults who were waiting to comfort him. That’s what I like to think anyway.

So yeah, it’s been raining a lot here.