Let me tell you about the triple homicide I did not commit this morning
I arrive at the post office a few minutes after it opened. Two customers were in line in front of me; five or six lined up behind me fairly quickly.
And we all stood around for considerably longer than was strictly necessary.
The couple already at the counter, transacting their business with the ONE postal worker on duty, were very chatty and needed to see all the commemorative stamps available because they might be interested in buying some of them. I don’t mind any of this in theory but they were apparently unable to multitask so each question and assessment of stamps was a separate act in what was quickly becoming a 100-act play that no one wanted to see. After what seemed like three hours, they finished their business and moved on.
This was a tremendous relief to the man in line on front of me who was becoming increasingly agitated at the first couple’s behavior. He was becoming so agitated that I thought he might have a mild stroke right there in the post office. Strokes are serious business, almost as serious as waiting in line at the goddamned post office behind clueless rude people, so I want to reassure you that I would have called 911 while stepping over him to get to the counter thereby getting him the medical care he needed and keeping the line moving.
He didn’t stroke out but he did nearly cause me to when he got to the counter and asked the ONE postal worker to find some “pretty” stamps because he was sending this card to his mother. As the card was being sent at a non-standard rate or size or something, it took some time to find the correct combination of pretty and the $.94 postage required.
Interestingly, he would no longer make eye contact with me like he had been so eager to do when were were in line behind Commemorative Stamp Couple. Wonder why.
It’s snowing
We’ll only get about 4 inches of snow (they say) but that doesn’t concern me. It’s the prospect of some serious icing that makes me nervous. Arlington’s infrastructure is overall pretty sound, but my street is one of those concentrated weak spots so if there is ice, there will be power outages and one of those power outages, or possibly the only one in the entire county, will be on my street. It has happened before. Sometimes it doesn’t even require a “weather event” at all; the most recent power outage was because of a problem with an overhead transformer.
In other news, I had to run an errand yesterday and as I walked through one of the courtyards in my apartment complex I passed a young man also out for an evening stroll. I kept hearing a clicking sound but couldn’t place it until I got near enough to see that he was walking and clipping his nails.
Enhancing my brand: Teef
Look, I don’t know you the rest of you people treat your dentures, but in the mountains we do not just set them out on the table. We use that bib pocket on our overalls of course.
Also, if Uncle Snuffy is chomping on cake, then, uh, whose teeth are those on the table?
Truth
“Because, quite frankly, the vast majority of people on this planet would be far happier if, for the remainder of his presidency, Obama only makes public appearances encased within a gigantic iron-and-concrete ball, addressing crowds via a Wi-Fi link to a nearby tannoy.”
[via]
Songbird
One security guard was patrolling the Memorial entrance at Arlington National Cemetery today. Despite the cold and wind, a few tourists straggled through the area, crossing the memorial bridge, walking among different sections of the cemetery, heading to and from the metro. Mostly it was deserted. The security guard spent most of his time pacing, hands in the pockets of his large black overcoat, and singing. Occasionally he would hit a particularly enthusiastic passage and belt it out while flapping his arms, his hands still in his pockets. The way his coat opened and closed looked like nothing so much as a pair of wings.
Evolutionary advantage
“The evolutionary advantage is quite clear. Consciousness allows you the capacity to plan.”
-”The Discover Interview: Gerald Edelman,” Discover Magazine, February 2009
