To the guy in the black Mazda-
Thanks for the attention this morning on the interstate. Your appreciation of older women is duly noted and appropriately treasured.
Although it is clear from the way you look that you haven’t been driving long, I was dazzled by your ability to suddenly surge forward and block me as I try to pass you because you desperately need to tell me something via a barrage of gesticulations. With your tongue.
Sensing my shyness, you came through a couple of miles later when you pulled up beside me and signaled your desire more forcefully with your hands. Your ardor naturally impressed me as did your commitment to the big romantic gesture to get my attention. Still, a 20-car pile up on the interstate is too much. You shouldn’t have and it is only a result of sheer dumb luck that you didn’t.
I’m sorry we will never ever under any circumstances meet. I know it is incumbent upon me as a woman, particularly one who is no longer in the flower of her youth, to be grateful for any and all attention I receive, no matter how ridiculous and unwanted and offensive it is so thank you.
I mean it.
No, really.
-Jane
Comments (8)
Therein lies an impressive argument for hand-held particle beam weapons.
Roger: True, but this area is pretty strict so I’d probably have to invest in a hands free device for it.
I have a weapon of my own design that creates a “field of awkwardness.” Victims within the field become instantly and humiliatingly awkward in all aspects of behavior. They become awkward physically, socially, and intellectually.
…I am still working on the sticky problem that so far the field unavoidably encompasses the operator of the device.
Field of Awkwardness. Hmmmm…I think perhaps I have taken an evolutionary step, as I believe I produce this type of field naturally and without effort.
You guys carry on. I’ll just stand off to the side over here and laugh.
Aren’t all beams particles? Sorry…
And here I though I was the only one who had a FOW weapon… Damn.
Oh god!